I am entering the Thirty not at all in the way I planned or thought but in the best way. At least, now I get that.
I am entering it as me. As just who I am, in the most authentic way that I can, well for now since it’s an infinite journey of learning.
I realized that feeling this way make me in such a peace state. I am not thinking about the future, about if I will or will not have children, or even better why I still don’t have any, I am not thinking about what will be my next job or why I am still not having a job title. And you know why ? Because all of that don’t matter anymore. I don’t even want to give space to that in my life, in my heart, in my head. I just want to be here and now, and see what God planned for me. I am just smelling the roses and try to catch the waves that I need to catch. I am so not in a passive mode, I feel that I am in a train who make stops from time to time, sometimes it goes fast and in other moments it’s super slow so I have time to check the landscape. But this journey feels so right, now.
I entering my thirty not having kids yet, not having a stable job, or a company, not having a stable financial situation yet, but having a stable mental health, having so much love in my life, having few friends but that I can have fun, grow and count of, having the best husband I could ever imagine, and constantly growing. I feel that a lot of wounds have been cured so I feel lighter. And this is the best gift I could not even ever imagine that I wanted. It’s funny because the older I get the more flexible and mobile my body becomes. I never thought it would be possible. I enter my thirty with uncertainty and I love it. Finally. Because if I spent the last years founding happiness, with all the challenges and with the mindset I had, I believe that the next to come can be just better. Inshaa Allah. I enter my thirty being more aware, being fulfill, letting go of lack and embracing gratefulness. (Al hamdullilah) I am not escaping anymore because I finally get that everything is in me, so I have nowhere to go. And I guess that’s the pleasure of getting old, at least, this is mine. I wish you dreams that you don’t even think you wanted because they are way more deep and useful that what you can ever wish.
Hello Thirty, it’s nice to meet you. I am so happy you are on time because if you came earlier I would not be ready for you. Now I am.