Am I Lost ?

I don’t feel any more connected to that world. I feel like on the side of it or not in the right place or planet. All the thing that Instagram shows it’s always the same. Girls in their room, showing their new outfit, girls in their room showing their latte, girls… Well, I am not there, and don’t want to be there. And it seems like the world turned into that. Or maybe it’s Instagram that makes me try to think that the world is like that. It doesn’t change the feeling I don’t feel connected to all of that. Going to surf, spending time with strangers that became friends, cooking, playing, enjoying the sea, nature, and the sun in an uncomfortable yet comfortable for the mind way of life, change my entire perspective. I knew it my entire life but it’s like I finally woke up. It’s like I had the key to the box the door that I try to open during all this time around my neck but I never really realized it until the day I get it. My fears try to play with me and make me a fool, making me think that I am lost. While I have never been so sure about what I want and what I don’t about my life. I have never been that ok with myself crying or being smiling while my soul is hurting. I may not know what next job I want to do, how I gonna pay my bills, what I gonna eat tomorrow but I know what I don’t want. I know where I don’t want to be. I know that I want to surf, bike, walk, draw, write, swim, daily, that I want to keep practicing yoga and meditation because It made me center and it made me be out of what society tries to glue in my head. It made me want to be more just a paycheck, a name, or a number. It made me just want to live without any pressure, following the flow that made me abundant and creative. Trying to catch waves and ending up rolling under the water, remind me in a way that life is short, that I don’t want anymore to be stuck into my head, I want to shut the light and only feel. Feel any emotions, any feelings, any moment and I want to feel it with my heart and body I don’t want to try to understand it with my brain. I want to be in that constant flow. I guess it has a price, not especially how I could of it. But I need to make choice and be in action. No one will bring me that life except myself and I.

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